These past couple of weeks have been the hardest for me spiritually.
Most of my days lately are remembering who God is to me, then walking on His word. Mornings like this, where I am recalling times that he revealed to me who He was, my heart softens and breaks towards Him.
When I find myself in this place, where only He can meet me, I find rest in knowing who He is.
It reminded me of my first prayer. When my heart cried out for His. I said, “Lord if you’re real, you’re going to have to show me you are.” He showed up in a supernatural way.
When I found out I was pregnant with my son, and they said,“he wouldn’t make it,” my heart cried out to His, and I said “Lord you have the final say, but if you allowed him to make it, I’d raise him to know you. That he would be yours.” He showed up in a supernatural way.
When drug addiction and suicide was a noose around my neck, and the stool beneath my feet was giving way, my heart cried out for His and I said, “Lord, I don’t how I got here, but I can’t walk out of this place alone.” He showed up in a supernatural way.
And when my husband was dying, my faith was taken hostage and my voice was muted, my heart cried out for His and I said “Abba father, no one else can help me, I’m not asking to keep his life, because he’s already yours, I’m just asking for peace to be okay with what you choose.” He showed up in a supernatural way.
Even now. As I am in the thick of the trenches again. My heart cries to Him. Because I only know Him as a supernatural God. When I intercede for others, I say that I only know Him as a supernatural father and I pray they know Him that way also.
How you know Him matters. Because those moments of trials and when you’re in that place, the place only He can go, who He is to you, makes all the difference. You cannot change who God is, but your heart changes the more you know who He is. That truth is only known personally.
I would love to be that person, who walks everyday on just His word alone, but many of the times, I cannot. Many of the times, God has to meet me where I am. Even in those times I have found hope, because there has never be a moment He has not showed up. I know I am not above hardship, no one is, but I know I can go into the wilderness confident, that the moment my heart cries for Him, there is no hardship too big to stop Him from coming.
“The Lord is near to all who call on Him, to all who call on Him in truth.” Psalms 145:18 ❤️