Am I really forgiven?

If you forgive those who sin against you, your heavenly Father will forgive you. But if you refuse to forgive others, Your Father will not forgive your sins.

Matthew 6:14-15

Forgiveness is a hard pill to swallow. If I had to name the top 3 hardest things to do in life, this would surely be at the very top. When I read this particular scripture I get a feeling as though I am being warned. All I want in life is to be forgiven by God. I want to know him and I want to receive his grace. I’m scared to ever think of being on bad terms with him. When I think of all the bad things I have done in my life, all the things I wish that I could be forgiven for. A visual comes to mind. I picture myself showing Jesus all the things that I have done. I picture myself kneeling in God’s presence filled with shame and extremely heavy hearted. Weighed down by my unworthiness. All I have with me is my sin and its almost as if I can hand each sin to him, one by one. I’m not saying I can see God or anything, but my relationship with him is eternal. Since he created me, hes given me a mind that visualizes everything. Like when I strayed away from him (back slid), I saw myself walking down a dark and rugged path. He was always there watching over me but I never looked up at him, I just continued on the path I was on. But the light always lead me out when the path got to dark that I could no longer see what was before me. What I’m getting to is, it was easier to forgive those who wronged me, because I needed God to forgive me for leaving him. For never looking up. I dread the day I kneel in his presence and I see his back turned to me. A day when its to late to hand him my sins and he does not reach for them. See people think forgiveness is just so that you will feel better, but its much more than that. Think about it? If you have to forgive someone so that God will forgive you; you might realize that forgiveness falls back on your relationship with God. Everything we do reflects our relationship with him. How we treat others, how we forgive others, what we do for those in need. It all represents our relationship with him. If we can not forgive, its because we are not scared to NOT be forgiven by him. I know we hurt deep, I know people can be cruel. I know pain leaves scars. But scars represent something that has been healed. I know first hand that sin and life could drown you in tears. I know. I’ve been through that storm, and I know I will go through it again. But when I even think of holding that grudge I picture myself kneeling in God’s presence, I see the sin he took away. Do I want the weight of my sin back? Am I not thankful for what he has taken away from me? For getting me off the path I was on and giving me a new life? I’m grateful to God that he did not leave me on that path of darkness. I forgive, because I was forgiven first. Don’t do it for them, do it for Him, the one who forgives unconditionally.

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