Spirit Lead Me…

So, last night I had a conversation with someone who means the world to me. They talked about how hard it is believe that God even exists. They go on to tell me that its hard to believe that God is real when so many bad things happen. When I see the frustration in their eyes as they are trying to wrap their mind around God, my heart hurts for them. I have been there in that dark place. I felt sorrow all thru my whole body. Like my spirit was weeping for them. Words kept filling up my mind and everytime they said something against God, He still gave me the words to say. Scriptures kept coming to mind that I expressed to them. But as their frustration kept rising and the questions kept coming, I realized that these scriptures that I hold dear to my heart are just words to them, because they don’t believe in the word. They continued to say that they have anger and hatred in their heart. And when I asked what made them mad, it all boiled down to God’s existence in their life. I sat and prayed to myself, “God just give me the words.” They have never even cared to talk to me about God, or their personal feelings about him. And even though it feels hopeless, I know its steps to knowing him. And as I sat there pouring truth to them, lies started creeping in. “You don’t know enough.” “You’re not helping their situation.” “If you were in the word more, this would be easier.” But regardless I stood firm in God’s promises, trying to show them all that God has taught me. Because I see God working and stirring up their heart. And even though the conversation didn’t go as smoothly as I wanted, they asked me to pray with them. This is not the first time this has happend were my family members have come to me with questions. Always off guard of course. The more I pour out to them, the more my heart hurts for them. If only the knew God for who he is. If only they could feel the changes God has made for me on the inside. I feel so much gratefulness to God for the things he has done in me. I feel joy and sorrow at the same time. How is that possible? How do your feel joyful and sorrowful at the same time? Why does my soul hurt more than it takes in joy? There are so many people blinded by their sin. Lost. I see so many broken spirits. Just searching for things to numb it. There is so much work to do in my own family alone, I can’t phathom the rest of the world. Yet my heart hurts for them all. For all the ones who don’t know God. For all the ones struggling to find themselves in Christ. I want to tell them to keep praying and searching. Keep asking questions, and reading the word. Don’t give up because you don’t understand. Ask God to show you. I experienced some, if not most of the hardships and struggles my family goes thru. Held down by some of the same bondages. Everything from drug addiction to believing in God’s very existence. My spirit was crushed too. But the Lord is close to the broken hearted, the ones crushed in spirit. So I guess I just really want to thank God for showing me last night that we really are the only example of him in this world. I didn’t understand the severity of it until yesterday. Some of us might be the only thing some people know about God. Those are huge shoes to fill. But I know that if God could work in me, he can and will do so much more for them. Because i know first hand that God moves mountains. It’s not only important to stay in the word for our own relationship with God, but for others as well. So we can lead them to Him and they can recieve Him with an open mind and open heart. It’s not just about us, its about everyone we ever cared about. This really is a war zone. We really are in a spiritual battle. And we can’t give up because not only do we loose, but our loved ones do too.

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