All in.

Trying to explain to someone else who God is to you, is like trying to describe the color blue to a blind person. If they can’t see if for themselves they will never be able to grasp it. One thing God has revealed to me in this season of life, is that He is all about change and growth. You never stay in the same place spiritually. You always continue to move; you just keep growing.

Most of you reading this, don’t know me personally. But if you did you would constantly hear me talk about the pit God found me in. If it was not for that pit, I would not be where I am today. And as crazy as it sounds, it was in that moment of darkness that I realized God did speak to me. That I did in fact know His voice. I was on the brink of making the worst mistake of my life. I was giving up. But God helped me. He was there for me in the darkest time of my life. Jesus not only saved my life in the spiritual, but in the physical as well.

When I left church the first day after I almost ended my life, I felt a sense of gratitude that I have yet experienced for Him. For the first time in my life I finally understood that the depth of love He had for me was unmatched by anything. They say that He leaves the ninety nine for the one. Well, I was that one. As I write this I can’t help but be overwhelmed by His Grace and Mercy. But most importantly the love He has for the ones who least deserve it. My appreciation for the Lord continues to grow. I couldn’t fathom why He didn’t just let me die that night. But as I grow in my walk and love for Him, I just want to make Him proud. They say He searches the heart, so I understood that I couldn’t serve two masters. I couldn’t be of the world and follow Christ at the same time. I had to be all in or all out. But it wasn’t said with my words, but my heart. The new love I have for Christ fuels my desire to change and grow. I had to make a choice. No matter what happens, hell or high water, I am going to serve the Lord. If I lose everything it doesn’t matter because I will still have Him.

The hardest thing in my walk thus far was giving God complete control and trust that His will for me is more important. There is a parable in the bible that I always refer too. The one that talks about the debt owed and cleaned. Who is more grateful? The one with the most debt cleared. I love that parable because I owed a huge debt and Jesus cleared it. He proved to me that the saying is true. The one who has the biggest debt will be the most grateful. When I try to understand the reasoning behind not being all in, I wonder if it is because the debt has not been big enough yet. Like He hasn’t done enough for us. Honestly, the sacrifice He made on the cross for us was enough, but people always seem to overlook that. You are no longer a slave to sin because of what He did. Strongholds and family curses broken because of what He did. Receiving joy and peace, a sound mind, and a love that is unmatched, all because of what He did. Some of us should be dead, but He chose to keep us. He’s done more than enough. If you’re reading this, I hope you can examine your heart and ask yourself if you are all in because your debt is huge my friend but it was paid in full!

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