Today as I was sitting at my desk at work, I had this overwhelming feeling consuming me. It’s the one of the worst feelings in the world. I felt the strongest feeling of helplessness. Lately, God has been revealing, not only Himself to me, but he has been revealing myself to me as well. He’s been stirring up new desires in my heart. But also, He’s revealing things about me that hold me back from living the life that He has planned for me. And what God revealed to me, is that my human nature does not match my desires. Ex, I believe He has put it in my heart to help others build their relationship back up with Christ. I think this because one of the hardest challenges in my walk with Christ was building my relationship back up with him. When I say the enemy tried everything to keep me from him, he tried EVERYTHING. He had me doubt, he had me backed up in my thoughts. He had me drowning in my past. He had me being devoured by confusion and a lack of faith and trust in the Lord. But what I never did was go to prayer first. I always got broken down so bad that prayer was my last resort. And I think God did that to teach me to always resort to prayer first. To show me that If I bring the problems to him, he will determine the outcome. You see, that day I gave my life over to him, I prayed and told him to do whatever it takes but don’t let me get lost again. I prayed that no matter what, just lead me to him. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t think I am halfway to where I need to be in this relationship with Christ, but only by the grace of God he brought it farther than it was. I’m a guarded person. I don’t let others in my life. I don’t like feeling vulnerable and I don’t like people knowing my past because I don’t want people to think badly about me. See, God revealed to me that in order to help build their relationship with God, I had to build a relationship with these people. How? By being vulnerable and by sharing my testimony with others. I have to let them in, so they can see all the ways that God has worked in me. Because the testimony that God has given me speaks for itself. I was on the verge of death. I had no desire to continue. The enemy was winning. But when I say how the Lord plants or brings things to my remembrance. He does. He reminds me that He came to the word to save me. I can’t save myself. So as im sitting at my desk overwhelmed to the max, I hear the song Just breathe by Johnny Diaz. As Im listening to the words, this part comes on and it says:
“I’m feeling like I’m falling behind, it’s a crazy life. Ninety miles an hour, going fast as I can. Try to push a little harder trying to get the upper hand. So much to do in so little time, it’s a crazy life. It’s ready. Set. Go. It’s another wild day. When the stress is on the rise in my heart I feel you say just breathe, just breathe come and rest at my feet and be. Just be. Chaos calls but all you really need is to just breathe.”
As I sit there and let those words sing in my heart. I start to cry. I feel him telling me this. He was telling me to let God be God. And for me, just be me. See, God is always talking to me. I always hear him. I know that with all that goes on in this world, we let the enemy distract and control our thoughts. He disturbs our peace, and steals our joy. All we really need to do is allow God to lead and we follow. I thank God for these moments. He knows that I am a work in progress. He knows I have a lot to deal with spiritually. He knows how hard it is for me. He knows what ways down our hearts and what we struggle with personally. He knows everything. All we need to know is that he died so that we can be free of these things. That Jesus loves us. And most importantly that he is God. Who wants more for us than Him? So when this happens, when you find yourself drowning spiritually, I pray that you separate yourself and just breathe. Just breathe go and rest at his feet. We’re not ever going to have it all together, but He keeps us going. He’s the only way to make it in the crazy life. So take a deep breathe in and let your weary spirit rest. Let Him fight this battle for you.