Yesterday, I broke down. Lately, I have been so caught up in not questioning Him, I became silent. In my heart I trusted, but in my mind I waited for Him to speak.
Saturday, my husband could have died. He got into a really bad accident and our car was totaled. (Of course all this happens while I was away on a missions trip) I started to feel fear. The same fear i felt they told me that my brother is looking at life in prison. The same fear i felt when they told me that my father’s kidneys were shutting down and had to be put on dialysis. The same fear that crept in when I lost my job. The fear that plagued me when my husband turned away from God. All these trials (tests) one right after the other. I had to remind myself every time that God has delivered me from fear, and I am no longer slave to it. I sat in that fear, but i never questioned God as to why I was dealing with that. I mean I was having faith right? when Sunday came, i told myself, I’m staying home and I’m going to spend time with God. As the music started playing, i talked to God and told Him that I was sorry for being silent. And I thanked Him for saving my husband’s life. For not letting me come to Him being dead. Sure I lost my car, but I still had my husband. I thanked Him for saving my brother’s life, sure He is in prison, but He got saved and is now serving Him in there. Now he’s telling others just like Him, that there is another way. I thanked God for giving me this new job, sure i don’t like the environment, but i still have the freedom to be who He made me to be. A light in the darkness. I have a chance to show people that there are people who really serve and love the Lord. And i thanked Him delivering me not only from Fear, but everything else he has ever delivered me from.
It was on my way back from Mexico Saturday, that my brother Richard started telling me a story about David. He began telling me how David had so much faith in God. Test after test, David remained faithful to the Lord. As I sat there in the car, I finally heard God speak to me after these long painful weeks of silence. God was testing my faithfulness to Him, because we all know that when life is going good, we remain faithful to the Lord. But as soon as the storm comes, we question and wonder. I know this, because I experience those times too. Sure, I didn’t question Him, but I was letting it eat away at me little by little. But God did not create us to be over come by trials. He created us to over come them, so that we grow in faith and trust in Him. He’s trying to find the David in us. Will remain faithful to the Lord in the eye of the storm? Will we remember that God is in control? God works everything out for the best. No matter what we are facing, God’s hands are in everything. And even when He is silent, He is there.