I hear this often. Especially with this pandemic happening now. “Your faith has to be bigger than your fear.” For some believers that may be easy, but for all of us ordinary people, its a process. For me, the tidal wave of fear hits first. Then I seek Jesus to calm the storm.The bible says in James 1:2-8 “Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles of any kind come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing.” But what if the “joy” doesn’t come right away? Then what? Like I mentioned earlier, fear for me is a process. The fear hits, then I seek help.
A few weeks ago I noticed lumps in my seven year old’s throat. I was concerned but convinced myself that it was no big deal. It would probably go away on its own. Well when I noticed that my son was experiencing headaches, leg pains, and dizziness I suddenly became a Google MD. First thing that came up was Leukemia. I spent hours doing research and started noticing similarities. What started off as a concern grew into fear. Any parent would never want to see their children experience pain. It’s like one of those situations where you would switch places with them without hesitation. You just wouldn’t think twice. When I decided to take my son in, I explained to him why we were going to the doctor. I let him know just enough so that he would see the need of it, but didn’t go in to complete details because I didn’t want him to be in fear. But I mentioned the lumps and explained that we needed to get that checked out to see if they were normal or not. He was scared, but he didn’t question me. When we pull up to Dell Children’s hospital, he asks me If we could pray. He said he was feeling scared and wanted to ask God to help him. So we prayed. As we walk towards the building my mind started racing. “What if he does have cancer?” “What if he is sick?” Here comes the tidal wave! I thought to myself as I was holding my son’s hand. We are not above anyone else. People get sick. People die from cancer everyday. If your saved or not saved doesn’t determine how your life ends here on earth. I was sick. It was one of those moments where I had to pray in my spirit and ask God to settle the waves because I was going under. I told God “no matter the outcome Lord, just give me strength to be okay with what your will is.” Because even if he has cancer, it doesn’t change who God is in our lives. What God has done for us this far, is way more than enough.
As we get checked in to our room, the doctor comes and asks questions about why he was there. I explained some of the symptoms and things I was concerned about. I thought they were just going to feel his neck and say that everything was fine, but they didn’t. They said they wanted to draw blood and put an IV in case they needed more. They wanted to check to see if there was any signs of cancer or blood deficiencies. When Baby Johnpaul (that is my son’s name) heard them say that he started questioning me. “Mom, how do the get the blood out?” “Is it going to hurt?” “I don’t think I can do it, Mom!” I wanted to reassure him, but I wasn’t going to lie to him. I told him that if it did hurt, it would only be for a moment. But it was necessary so that we can know if anything was wrong. It hurt me to see him scared. As he cried I fought back my own tears. But his well-being had overridden his discomfort. As a parent, the pain or fear wasn’t enough for me to not do what was best for him. That’s when I felt the Holy Spirit speak to me…
How many times have we allowed fear to distort what is really important? God is our father. I believe that it hurts him to see us in pain. The same way it hurt me as a mother to see my son in pain. But just because we cry out in pain or discomfort won’t override His will for our lives. He knows whats best for us. I understand now why we must go through trials. It helps us to grow our faith in who He is, in His word, and His will. Even if we allow fear to seem bigger than our God, doesn’t mean its true. The bible talks about how His ways and His thoughts our higher than ours. What He knows, we wont. God knew that it was beneficial for Jesus (His ONLY son) to die for us. Jesus didn’t want to drink from that cup, but He just wanted God’s will to be done. For everyone who knows that story, they know that He endured unimaginable pain. But He trusted in God and He trusted in God’s will for His life. That killed the fear. Meaning the fear didn’t stop God’s will from being done. Just the same way my son trusts me. When tears flooded his eyes and he screamed to me that he couldn’t do it. I held his hand and told him that he could. His trust in my words killed his fear. For my son, his health was my only priority. Not if he was scared or in pain. It didn’t mean I didn’t care, but I understood that fear and pain was only temporary. God wants us to be with Him. He wants us to be blemish free and ready for Him to return. That’s His priority. He knows that any pain or fear we have in our life time is only temporary. I chose to put all my faith into His will and chose to trust in God despite my own fear. He used this situation to teach me something important. He taught me that even if we have fear, trust in Him kills it. Everything (including fear) has to answer to Him.
P.S (Labs came back good. NO CANCER!)