I’m writing this from a real place today. The “mom and wife guilt” was hitting hard earlier. A phrase you will see me write often is “you can’t dwell there.” I say that because whatever is causing you stress or spiritual pain is something we can’t avoid. It happens to the best of us. But when I say that we can’t dwell there, what I mean is that mind frame is not a good place to stay in. That state of mind will take more from you than you can afford to give.
As a mom and a wife, there is no title that I could have that means more to me. But that is usually the place I allow the enemy to attack me most. When I fall short, I tend to hold that against myself until I can’t function in either role properly. If I told my kids “hold on, I’m busy” one too many times or have been short or not social enough with them. Guilt always finds me. As a wife, I have days where I can’t seem to hold the house together. Laundry is piling up, I opted for the quick meal rather than the one that took longer. Or even when I can’t seem to meet all of my husbands needs. I compare myself to other women who seem to hold it all together. They work full time, keep the house tidy and their husband and kids sing their praise all day. That’s when my short comings surface and I can’t bare to face it. Kind of like today.
I found myself in my quiet place (the shower) unable to hold my head up. As the watered poured down on me it seemed as frequent as the water fell on me, so did all of my insecurities. That’s when God met me there. He reminded me of something I want to remind you of. He reminded me of the story of Naomi and Ruth. If you don’t know the story you can find it in the book of Ruth. Naomi lost her husband and two sons. But the part that God used to speak to me was Ruth 1:20-21. Naomi says “don’t call me Naomi, call me Mara.” Mara means bitter. That’s when it hit me. Why do we allow our emotions to be WHO WE ARE, instead of allowing them to SHAPE WHO WE ARE. When we hold these shortcomings or feelings as if that is who we really are. Then even the good stuff about us gets smashed under the weight of that.
God used one scripture to remind me how easily what we think of ourselves can change who we are. Even though God sees us as so much more than that. God showed me that the reason we care so much about certain things is because we see importance in it, but we will always fall short. Only God is perfect. It’s funny because I posted earlier on Twitter how God’s mercy is new every morning. When I went back to read that scripture in the Bible in Lamentations 3:22-23 it says the stead fast love of the Lord NEVER ceases. His mercies NEVER come to an end; they are NEW every morning. Great is His faithfulness.”
That really encouraged my spirit because it was God’s way of reminding me that His love for me (regardless of where I fall short) never ends. His mercies are new every morning (meaning I can always try again). I’m really big on grace because I’m thankful for the grace God has shown me, so I practice extending it to myself. We shouldn’t compare ourselves to others. We all struggle with things. We weren’t meant to be perfect, we just need to rely on the one who is. God is already perfect, so there is no need for us to be.
Cynthia M. Benavides 