“I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.” John 15:5.
Apart from Him we can do NOTHING.
His word has been cutting me deep lately. For a few weeks if we need to be specific. God has been dealing with me about a lot of things right now. Mostly my intentions. Why I do what I do.
What do people see when they look at me? A godly woman? A godly wife or mother? I won’t lie, what people thought about me mattered. How I came across mattered. Can people see my effort? Can people see that I am changed? And for awhile I played that role well. The good Christian.
“Let me show them”, quickly turned into, just putting on a show. And when the approval of man settled and the applause stopped, I was left standing alone and exposed in front of God. Because He has been there long before there was anything to see. He knows me and has always seen who I was. Not the redeemed me, but the “me” that He walks with day in and day out. He knows every part of my heart, and that’s what scares me sometimes.
When I published this book two years ago, that was my God given testimony. At the time, I was excited to share all that God had done in me. And sadly, I wrote that book as if I had really accomplished something. After two years of writing, the day finally came to publish my story and I set my price. $10.99. Now everyone gets to pay to read about the mercy God spared on a nobody. They get to pay for something God gave to me freely. And top it off, I get a percentage also, for a work that only the Holy Spirit could do.
$10.99 for witnessing about something God did for me. I know that the Holy Spirit deals with people where they are at, and He convicts the heart as He sees fit and I believe that people should be paid for things they labor for. (So if you are a writer and you are selling a book please don’t take offense, people should be lead to distribute and get paid for what they did, as that person sees fit) this is a conviction for me personally. He used my own testimony as a reminder that aside from Him I couldn’t do anything.
Aside from Him, I couldn’t break strong holds on my life.
Aside from Him, I couldn’t break family curses.
Aside from Him, I couldn’t leave addiction.
Aside from Him, I couldn’t escape suicidal tendencies.
Aside from Him, I couldn’t show forgiveness.
Aside from Him, I couldn’t start my race.
Aside from Him, I couldn’t walk out from darkness.
Aside from Him, I couldn’t save my marriage.
Aside from Him, I couldn’t do ministry of any kind.
That’s why He intervened. That’s why He showed mercy and grace on me. Because aside from Him, I just couldn’t do it. He allowed me a gift to write, and when I tried to produce content that He’s wasn’t leading, I couldn’t write a single word. Why? Because aside from Him, I bear no fruit.
The vine of a plant provides branches with everything they need to grow and produce fruit. Without the vine, those branches whither and die. Good for nothing, but to tossed away and burned. The only way those branches have a chance at staying alive and bearing fruit is by staying attached to that vine. The vine should be taking from them because of all it’s required to give, not the other way around. But who are we to question how He chose to design things? All I know is the vine does what it does best provides. Regardless if those branches grow or produce fruit. The vine just provides.
Unfortunately, since the book has already been published, the option to give it away for free now is out the window. Right along with my self righteousness. So, I lowered the price as far down as Amazon would legally allow, and in the process my royalties decreased. I was given every option available about the amount I want to receive but never the option to not be paid at all. And since I can’t give it away, I’m forced to receive payment. I never thought I’d see the day where I would grieve a profit.
So why not take it down altogether? Well, because I know that God lead me to write my testimony and have it published. I know that He wants it available for people to have access to it. I’m sure He would have preferred it be free though! SMH. But what’s done is done. He knew that I would reach this exact point in my walk and this would be a great opportunity for spiritual growth, because nothing is done on accident, the testimony He has provided me has served its purpose in more ways than one.
Just know if you are ever lead to purchase this book, I will no longer be receiving money for it, the money will be going to who it rightfully belongs to. I’ll just leave it at that. So please spare me any type of praise on that matter because my soul can’t bear it right now. I just need y’all to know that the money spent won’t go in vain. And I’m sorry that you even have to pay for it all together.
If you can’t afford to buy it, message me. You will get your hands on it. I can guarantee that. But the price is now $5.50. The lowest it can go. 😔 Stand in agreement with me that the Holy Spirit will continue to work in me. And expose everything that is not of Him. It should always be about His Kingdom and His glory, because aside from Him we have nothing. May He always be glorified!